East coast life has afforded me many opportunities to grow and change. I'm learning how to talk business, seize fleeting opportunities, and jaywalk without getting hit by a taco-toting cyclist. But some of the changes have been less welcome. My sleep schedule has wandered later and later into the night; I'm reflecting less; and lately I've been constantly consuming. Immediately after settling in, I noticed that I was chewing gum way more often than I ever did before. Why? Because I was constantly having to eat on the go, invariably had an important meeting, and needed to make sure my breath was on point. But what started as a logical solution quickly turned into an unnecessary habit. I started chewing gum before breakfast, and became the "gum guy" at work (I had the hookup). But I eventually kicked the habit after realizing how unnecessary it was. I've recently gone through similar bouts with electronic cigarettes and caffeine (both things I had definitely sworn off before coming here).
In classic "starving artist" fashion, odd jobs have taken up most of my time. In addition to being the door man at a clothing store on 5th avenue, I've been cater waiting during the evenings. Both of these jobs give me unique insight into two obsessions of consumers: eat food and buy clothes. Following closely behind: talk during speeches and incessantly post to [facebook/twitter/instagram/foursquare] during dinner. Where does one draw the line between indulgence and obsession? Perhaps a narcissistic longing to be heard?I certainly fall into that last category. Since the move from Portland, I've quadrupled my time on the internet. At first it was justified by a need to let my family and friends know I'm still alive. But soon I noticed an empty feeling when I wasn't actively engaging with someone via text or Facebook. I would check my phone if I happened to wake up at 4am, and get anxious if I hadn't had some superficial interaction with a stranger in the last fifteen minutes. This is all painful to admit, but I know I am not alone. This battle with "low social media self esteem" got me wondering; is this "internet consumption" really any different from overeating or buying clothes we don't need?
I can personally relate to the food issue most. I've got a fast metabolism, and have always needed a lot of fuel to keep me going. When I started catering I was excited to get free food to take home (and eat on the job). But after a while I noticed myself desperately hiding hors d' oeurves beneath my tray, and grazing on fried food (I would not normally eat). Often munching away when I wasn't even hungry in the first place! My mind had taken over my body. I had flipped an auto-pilot switch labeled "EAT". I noticed similar patterns with other waiters, and eventually took measures to check in and control myself. It's a constant challenge.
"Checking in with one's self" makes all the difference. Am I still going to eat when I'm not hungry? Yes. That's what gelato is for. Similarly; the tweets, pins, posts, blogs, bombs, and doodles are bound to continue. But I will work toward complete intention with all of these ventures. I believe that the intent of one's actions is the difference between art and bullshit. Which brings me to my final example: clothes shopping.
Working at this store (to remain unnamed until I finally get fired) has lent me the opportunity to examine how people purchase clothes. I wasn't much of a clotheshorse until I got into modeling. Now I consider it an occupational hazard. But, like Dentyne and crab cakes, I keep it in check. Considering this subject; many don't have that radar, and some have ripped off the antenna entirely. Which is fine. There's nothing inherently bad about doing "what feels good". But Plato once said that Socrates once said that "The unexamined life is not worth living". And I think he's on to something.
My version? "The unexamined outfit is not worth wearing". On the surface, this has a "Devil Wears Prada pretentious" ring to it. But I truly believe it. When I see people leave the store with gobs of clearance crap (or a lot of anything, really), I have to wonder; what is it about that experience satisfies them? I'm sure a high percentage of it is worn once (maybe) before being thrown out or given away. The antithetical shopper being someone who buys very few clothes, but gets infinite miles out of recycling looks with the same fabrics. The most stylish people I know fall into the second category. In fact, I have yet to hear of anyone in the fashion industry undergoing "shop therapy".
Relating back to "art vs. bullshit", I offer a parallel between jazz and fashion using Miles Davis as an example. Miles was known for playing ahead of his time. When swing was popular, he was busy helping to invent Bebop. Once he got bored with the complexity and technicality of Bebop, he moved onto Cool Jazz. The latter genre encouraging solos that were simpler, more laid back, and based on nice melodies. Mr. Davis also happened to be very aware of his appearance. A quick Google search will yield endless musings of his reputation for being a "clean motherfucker". His wardrobe's reputation was earned the same way his music was; intention. Young improvisers are often, if not always, told to play less notes. These young cats (myself included) are working to filter the muscle-memory-licks and spastic musical ideas into meaningful art.
The word consume is derived from the Latin word con, meaning "with" and sum or "total". How odd? This delineation inspires the opposite of what I usually associate with the word. "One in All, All in One. If only this is realized, no more worry about your not being perfect." is an often quoted Zen Buddhist idea. Perhaps a healthier relationship with consumption is in order. If the word means to be "with the sum total of", why not look inwards, and be one with the sum total of ourselves? "Consume yourself" is now a daily challenge of mine. I now try to notice when I feel compelled to indulge in unnecessary or unhealthy things. I wonder why the feeling exists and, like our trumpet friend, focus my intent accordingly. The ability to turn inward; manifesting light, beauty and knowledge to share with the world will be key to a bountiful existence. And the key to making true art.Wish me luck.
